Fears and Tears Go Hand in Hand

A year ago when the doctor called what I had, depression I said no it can't be.  Nothing is making me sad.  The lows are normal, the highs are normal especially as a teenage girl.  And here I am a year later and afraid there's more to it. 

I don't go to the doctor in fear they'll find something else to diagnose me with. or another medication to prescribe. 

I'm afraid no one will love me.

I don't do ponytails on myself without a mirror because I don't like crooked things.  The crooked smile on that mean girl's face, the crooked picture on the wall, and especially crooked people.

I fear that I'll get taken advantage of.  I've caught people cheating off me and so I then purposefully select the wrong answers.  Once they've turned theirs in, I go back and select the right ones.

I'm afraid my mom will die and not know how much I love her. 

I refuse to go to the therapists because I know they'll tell me that I should come back in a couple weeks.  and then when I go again, they tell me they'll see me again in a couple weeks.

I fear people who are clingy.  Give me my space, I'll give you yours. But know I still love you.

I'm not applying to more than 2 colleges because I fear decisions and two options are two too many for me.

I don't think about the day I move out of my house when heading for college because I know I'm going to cry.

 

I don't fake a smile because everyone else does it for me.  And if everyone fakes a smile, the world seems perfect and I'm not afraid of being the one who's real.

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