To My Future Child

     I hope that you don’t have to go through what I went through.  You’ll have challenges but I hope divorced parents isn’t one of them.  I hope that you work hard for what you love.  I dreamed of having a kid who is passionate about their hobby but if you’re not, it’s ok, I still love you.  I hope to be able to give you the opportunity to take music lessons.  I think playing an instrument provides an exit from the real world and a chance for you to just let go.  I don’t want you to ever think about letting go of something you love because nobody should have to.  Be careful on who you are friends with.  They have a huge impact on who you become.

 

 

I want you to not be lazy.  I have the biggest pet peeve of people who think they’ll go somewhere from sitting on their butt all day.  I don’t want that for you.  I want to prepare you for the future.  I don’t want you to be shocked and left unable to be independent.  And I want you to feel loved.  I’m going to be one of those moms who is all over her kids, reminding them she loves them.

 

 

I want to be someone you can come talk to when you are lost, when you have questions, and when you feel lonely.  I had that from my mom and it was a huge blessing.  I did some things I really regret and I had to fix a lot of things but it was worth it.  I want you to know you’re worth it.  Screwing up is really embarrassing and it really sucks.  There is always a way to fix things though.  I lost hope on myself far too many times and don’t do the same.  It runs in the family through my dad’s side to think the grass is really greener on the other side.  It’s a lie.   

 

I hope that I’ve grown back a relationship with my dad because right now there’s none.  It’s hard to rebuild a bridge that’s been burnt down over and over.  But I’m working on it.  Please forgive others when they screw up.  I want to teach you from the start that forgiveness is important.  I’ve held way too many grudges and the longer they sit on your shoulders, the longer it takes to throw off. 

 

 

I’ll support you in whatever you do.  I’ve always said that mamas who let their boys play football don’t love them but if that’s your dream, I can work around my prejudice.  If you want to do band and play the oboe, I’ll cheer you on at band concerts.  I will take what you have and do whatever I can to help you magnify your talents.

 

 

I hope you play nice with kids on the playground.  I didn’t.  I growled at this kid who I see in the halls daily, back in 3^rd grade when he came to sit next to me on the bus.  Stupidest thing I’ve ever done because now he’s smoking hot and we can’t even make eye contact.  It’s bad.  But I also say that because in 2^nd grade I got told by a girl, whom I still remember her name and goes to Lone Peak, that my head looked like a football.  I know it sounds dumb and looking back it’s funny.  But then, as a second grader I was crushed.  I felt horrible.  I personally think that’s when my depression kicked in.  Yes, it would’ve probably shown up sometime but I would’ve waited for it to appear later if I could’ve.

I have regrets and you’ll have regrets.  I have gotten things fixed and you’ll have things to fix.  I have had passions. And a broken heart. And you’ll have them all the same.  Know I’m here for you and love you.      

                                                                                                            Love you,

                                                                                                               Mom