Those in Need of a Brick

I wish I could pass out bricks.

I'd give a brick to the boy who has nothing because it's something.
I'd give a brick to the teacher to throw at the kid who asks an irrelevant question every 2 minutes.
I'd give a brick to the married couple as a house warming gift because they can use it for their fireplace.
I'd give a brick to the girl who isn't treated right by her boyfriend to defend her little self.
I'd give a brick to grandma because she hoards.
I'd give a brick to the father who steals bread to feed his family.

And I'd probably take a brick to your heart.

too bad it's not that easy.

Welcome to Lone Peak

The Land of Perfect People

perfect grades

perfect birthday parties

perfect fitting clothes

perfect teeth

perfect musician

perfect couples

perfect summer vacations

perfect homes

perfect hobbies

perfect athlete

perfect seminary student

perfect aspirations

perfect shade of highlights

perfect backyards
perfect family

 

...At least that's what it feels like. 

The Naive Lover

I thought you loved me.  But I was naïve and didn't recognize the signs. And now that I'm looking back, I realize that what we had wasn't love.  I saw your heart, your desires, but most of all the lust. I've been taken advantage four too many times and you just made five.  And you knew I had.

I needed someone who was there when I was sobbing because I felt lonely at school, someone who'd step up and decide what we should do when I'd say 'I don't care.' But you didn't.  And you knew I didn't care as long as I was with you.

You came into my life when I was most vulnerable. You told me 'this is about us' when it was really about you and your image.  I told you I've kissed way too many times on the first date but you still went for it, and I'm upset.

 

But know this, I learned a lot. and thank you for making me feel loved at the time, even if it wasn't real.



Mother Nature is Powerful but Words are Just As Strong

As a young girl, I still remember getting told my head looked like a football.  It was 3rd grade, on the big, open, grass field behind Highland Elementary.  I remember who said it to me and I remember who stood up for me.  I remember not because I still hold a grudge against her but because the way we treat others and get treated by others is everything. 

That was the day my confidence I'd grown up having from being taught I was the best, diminished.  My self esteem was lowered and from that day on, I've recognized the importance of our words.  They should be uplifting, positive, selfless, and chosen carefully.

Don't get me wrong, I've been on the other side, where my words have caused more trouble than intended.  I say stupid remarks, rude comments, and words that sting.  It destroys a person like Hurricane Sandy destroyed New Jersey, taking all there was shredding it to pieces that can never be recovered.

Previous

Close

Next

People walk through the remains of burned homes after Hurricane Sandy in the Breezy Point neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City. Over 50 homes were reportedly destroyed in a fire during the storm. (Mario Tama/Getty Images)

They say Mother Nature is powerful but words are just as strong.

 

Because Secrets and Failed Blood Clots are What Keeps Me Human

 

You did not give me reason enough to let my heart's blood spill over your mind.  It might be because my blood type is A and your blood O, and you shouldn't mix blood types.  Like the drunk driver shifting the car in gear and like the psychotic patient who is on the lose, It's fatal. 

 But I sat there with you and cut my heart open.  And instead of collecting it all and sealing it away, you let it run.You failed to clot my blood and before I knew it, the halls of school were soaked with my classified information. 

And no matter how many times my platelets in my blood try to clot my heart from bleeding out, you can't stop a flood.  But I won't blame you. 

Because secrets and failed blood clots are what keeps me human.

We were Made to be in Play

I think there is a reason God didn't give us a remote
One we could use to skip over and stop the hard times or
One to rewind to the good days
or one to stop the pain

He knew we'd be too quick to assume what lies ahead is undesirable when really we're nearing our peak. 

He knew that we'd do dumb things, and try to go back and fix it when we'd likely make it worse.

He knew the pain we'd eliminate would hurt us more in the end.

He knew we fear the future too much to give us a chance to pause where we are.

He knew we'd never slip out of our comfort zone since it'd be too risky.

He knew we could never imagine that there is something greater lying ahead when we seem to have it all.

He knew we'd move full speed over the moments we should be taking in.

He knew we wouldn't get stronger if we kept trying to stop the pain.

There are lessons to be learned.
Feelings to be felt.
Discussions to be discussed.
Words to be heard.
and People to be loved.

We were made to be in Play.

Growing up is not a good reason for giving up your crayons

I felt like a musician who'd just lost her hearing when crayons didn't show up on the school supply list for 5th grade.  Or in other words, it felt like the school was saying, "Creativity is not needed for 5th grade." Since when did growing up have anything to do with leaving our coloring books, stuffed animals, and crocs behind?

When we lost our coloring books we lost our chance to create something beautiful. 

When we lost stuffed animals we learned that it's ok to let go of things closest to us for egotistical reasons. 

And when we lost our crocs, we taught girls looks come before comfort. 

The lost things aren't easy to get back. I sit down, with a 100 markers and 100 pages and 0 idea of what I can make. 

And the people I care about,  accidentally get let go to soon for dumb reasons like growing up. 

And Never will I be able to go out in public wearing crocs without feeling self conscious even though they're the comfiest shoes I got. 

Growing up is not a good reason for giving up your crayons. 

Goodbye to that Blood Moon of Ours

To the heartbreaker:

I don't want to say goodbye

no matter what I do, I can never get over you
from the time I had you rolling on the floor laughing because you never thought I had it in me and
from the time we poured our souls and cried things I never thought it would end like this.

I pretend you're not gone, but you are.  and since you ended it, I'm shredded.

between the heart break and loneliness, the cold blankets, and the days by myself when I just need you here. I'm here.                               and you're there. 

And I'm not sure why I care.  And to your final words, "So yeah, I think we both need a break."

Give me a break at work. Give me a break at school. But don't give me a break from love.

Stuck in the Middle

We are stuck in the middle of a stream that's just too mainstream to slow
We are stuck in the middle of school being taught things that aren't helpful at all
We are stuck in the middle of adolescent and adult
We are stuck in the middle of social media and reality
We are stuck in the middle of crap jobs and our career
We are stuck in the middle of homecoming week
We are stuck in the middle of one friend and another
We are stuck in the middle of classes we are only taking to get to college
We are stuck in the middle of 100 hall between 2nd and 3rd
We are stuck in the middle of an assembly on 'Don' t do Drugs'
We are stuck in the middle of the parking lot because school just got out
We are stuck in the middle of finding and forgetting ourselves

When adults say "High School days were the better days" I say, "You must have Alzheimer's"  That lie I will never tell my kids.  Because High school is hard.